Book Excerpt: Tragedy & Beyond

My family, 1984. L to R. Me, Mom, Kara, Mark, Dad.

Chapter One: INTRODUCTION

This is the hardest thing to write. My life story. From beautiful childhood to dark traumas, homicide tragedy, and all points between and beyond.

There is no happy ending. I wish there was. Life doesn’t always go as planned, no matter how much positivity and effort you put forth. Sprinkles of happiness. Showers of unrest and challenges. Sometimes God brings so many challenges and obstacles, it wears you out. Still searching for where I belong in this great big world. Biggest hopes and dreams expired years ago.

My Great Aunt Falba noticed my psychic spiritual gifts when I was five years old. She helped me hone my skills, kept our little secret from my mother - her favorite niece - until Falba died in 1985 when I was in college. Three years before the murders of my brother Mark and sister Kara.

Working on this book since 1993. Since the night of August 29, 1988 - murder day - felt compelled to write and publish it. Like a bird singing in a new day at sunrise. Felt its flight into public life would help people. Release the heavy ropes that suffocated my heart and soul, freeing me to soar happily through life again. Hope that still applies today.

Why did it take this long to publish? Good question. Since 1996 through 2022, submitted to literary agents and publishers. Constant rejections. Two full tubs of rejection letters sit in a storage unit in Pine, AZ. Why rejected? After media’s negative response to our 1996 attendance at the execution of main killer - we were first victim family in Texas to view an execution - I assume they didn’t want to publish a pro-execution, pro-Death Penalty, pro-2nd Amendment Homicide Survivor, Spiritual non-fiction book. I was "cancelled" decades before it was cool.

This book details spiritual experiences and visits we received since night of murders August, 1988. Thankfully, two cousins are still alive who can verify our experiences.

In 1997, HBO aired documentary “Kill For A Kill”. Our journey from murder to execution. It won an Emmy. Original BBC documentary film crew followed us before, during and after February 1996 execution. Wonderful film crew led by Rod Williams. Good film. Posted on my Youtube Channel: Sedona Spirit Psychic. TCM (Turner Classic Movies) re-aired it last year.

Why wasn't book published in 1997? Adding value to documentary? Great question. Execution Chapter answers it. That chapter also talks about the media and our Oprah experiences 1996-1997. Oprah is a spiritually void, emotionally numb, anti-compassionate, controlling narcissist. Wasn’t surprised when her Book Of The Month Club authors and spiritual gurus got outed as frauds. She’s a fraud. Most media celebrities are. My parents and I stopped trusting media in 1997. This book explains why.

Wrote this book for fellow homicide survivors. Reluctant members of the Homicide Survivor’s Club. Especially the lost, overlooked, forgotten sisters, brothers, friends, children and adult children. Like I was. As “just the sister", not the parent nor spouse of Mark and Kara, I was an after-thought after the murders. Extended family and friends supported my parents and siblings’ spouses. I was left behind, except to ensure my parents were eating and bathing. “Take care of your parents, Robin.” That refrain began night of murders and next 30 years. So much sadness. Too hard to handle. People gave what they could to my parents. Then, they focused on their own lives. Feeling invisible, I learned to live life without much guidance and no support. Made tons of mistakes along the way. With no feedback or advice, mistakes happen. Hope my mistakes help you NOT make the same ones.

This book also written for society and opponents to Death Penalty, executions, and true criminal justice. The criminal justice system was designed to protect innocent victims, survivors and the safety of all society. Your safety. Protect you from harms of very bad violent people who want to hurt you. Recovering from violent trauma is a long, gut-wrenching, soul-splitting experience. Protecting or promoting violent criminals unleashes Hell onto our streets. It’s the ultimate anti-God and anti-human response. Give violent criminals a fair trial, reveal all their bad deeds and intentions, then sentence and separate them from society - forever. For your safety and justice for victims and survivors. Somehow, our current western society forgets the innocents and protects the villains. That needs to change.

During Covid, I watched as counties and cities released violent criminals back onto the streets. Committing horrible crimes and homicide. I knew the crime rate would rise like a stock market boom. I knew the dangerous early releases would borne more broken people like me and my family in 1988. The two men who killed my brother and sister were Early-Released parolees. Their previous crimes were minor felonies. Eight months after their release, they killed two very fine people: my siblings. Their actions destroyed the hopes, dreams and futures of our entire family. We were never the same, no matter how hard we worked toward wholeness.

Contrary to today’s crime survivors, my parents and I didn’t receive any financial compensation after the murders. Back in 1988-1989, the Victim Compensation Fund only applied to victim's spouse, children and medical-funeral expenses. The fund expanded since then – across all states. My mom and her fellow survivors helped expand those programs in 1990s, while we suffered without it. We received no donations nor GoFundMe dollars. No internet nor cell phones back then. We had to keep working and earning to live and sustain. No breaks for us. We helped change those rules for future survivors. Helping future victims and survivors have an easier path than we did.

Wrote this book for those still suffering from homicide trauma and other violent crimes like rape, domestic violence and assault. Three years after the murders, at age 26, I became an advocate and counselor for violent crime victims at Houston’s Victim Assistance Centre. The first of its kind in Texas and most of the US. Marinelle Timmons, co-founder of MADD, created it. She’s a wonderful and strong woman. She held our hands while we walked through criminal justice system. I paid it forward by helping her and Miriam Sdao assist crime victims and educate first responders, media, funeral homes, and society about the trauma and pain endured by survivors of homicide and other violent crimes. Marinelle and my advocate journey mentioned in this book.

You’ll learn who our family was before the murders. And after. My parents, my siblings’ spouses, kids and me. How everyone grieved differently and separately. How murder tragically separated us from Mark’s wife and kids. My parents had to file Grandparents’ Rights case to see their grandchildren, eight months after the murders. How my sister’s husband drifted away from us, to help himself heal from Kara’s loss. How our extended family and friends helped Mom and Dad, forgetting about me. How Mom used local and national media to educate society and politicians about the horrible journey endured by homicide survivors. Starting in 1988, when most survivors were too afraid or fragile to speak in public. How Mom, Marinelle and our local Parents of Murdered Children group pushed through legislation (local, state, national) to protect and give voice to survivors. Trailblazers – all. And my small contributions toward justice for all.

You’ll learn the side effects of surviving murder. Survivors’ Guilt. Processing trauma. Feeling unsafe and alone. Losses I endured the first 10 years post-murder: babies, romance, jobs, divorce, car theft, friendships, income, betrayals, breast cancer diagnoses, Near-Death Experience car accident. Feeling untethered to Earth. Constantly asking God and my Angels for assistance.

From 1988-2002, therapists didn’t know about severe PTSD endured by homicide survivors and how to treat it well. Back then, very few people did. Homicide only happened in bad parts of town. Not to upper middle-class families like us. I spent over $70,000 in therapy that didn’t guide me to wholeness. Inept therapists treated murder trauma grief the same as grieving your grandmother’s natural death. They didn’t fully learn how to treat PTSD until after 9/11 (2001) when PTSD directly affected them. During my first 13 years, therapists often said: “Live for today. That’s what your siblings would want. Set your life course. Stop feeling sad and confused. It’s been years since the murders. Get over it. Move on.” Unaware of deep fears, insecurities, safety fears, society distrust, confidence lost, soul-emptiness, and emotional numbness that homicide brings. Surviving any violent crime, the hardest part to recover: feeling safe again. You learn how fragile life is.

One minute, your life is good, safe, hopeful, happy and surrounded by people you love. The next minute, Evil takes it all away. How can you fully trust life after that? “Fake it ‘til you make it,” doesn’t work for homicide survivors. It’s fake. Members of Homicide Survivors Club need real and authentic. We can’t do fake. We thirst for real substance. Our hearts and souls were cut into tiny pieces. After gathering the pieces and gluing them back together, we can’t live a surface, fake life. Impossible.

My post-murder journey showed me that most people live a fake, surface life. Finding people who live from their hearts and souls was difficult. Homicide Survivors Club members can adapt to society’s surface matrix. It’s easy. We can straddle many dimensions. Because we lived through Hell. But why must we adapt to low, fake frequencies? True fulfillment doesn’t exist there. We seek fulfillment daily. We need it. We’re fulfillment snobs, I guess.

During last 37 years, finding people with true depth and substance was extremely difficult. Still searching. Gave up finding people like my best friends, Mark and Kara, by 2004. Searched for 16 years. Needed siblings and close friends. Grew up grateful for them and other people I loved. Hated being alone. No one matched. Gave up finding a man who wanted children, and loved me, by 2007. No one matched.

In 2009, at age 45, left emotional empty, corporate Houston life and moved to safe, peaceful Sedona. A town where no men existed. Relief from my romantic expectations and challenging past. Opened my psychic business. Hiked Red Rocks daily with my border collies. Met interesting people who enjoyed their lives. Felt like Heaven.

In 2011, my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lymphoma. Helping her through that was beyond hard. We rarely got along since 1980s. No one knew that. I was protective and loyal to her until her death in 2017. In 2015, Dad fell while taking out the trash. His physical and emotional road was tougher than Mom’s. After his fall, he was diagnosed with dementia. He remembered everything and everyone. His dementia: his body and mind didn’t work together anymore. He lived remainder of his days in nursing homes, not at their house. Mom and I fought those facilities with same victim advocate ferocity as the 1990s. To create better experience for Dad. He died March 2016.

By December 2017, I was officially all alone. No family left. No spouse. No children. No best friend; he died one month after Mom. I buried everyone I ever loved and those who knew me best. Three months later, diagnosed with Stage 3 skin cancer. Had Mohs surgery on half my face to remove the tumor. 2-month recovery and one scar.

Two years later, Covid hit. Asked God to bring me a good man. I couldn’t handle anymore trauma and tragedy alone. Society’s fearful chaos drove me bananas. Saw and felt too much society cowardice. Found a brilliant, sexy, healthy, amazing man. Short but significant romance. Still miss him today. He didn’t love me. Often wondered if he even liked me! But we had deep, meaningful, soul-good times together. He watched from sidelines as my life fell apart. When I needed a man to hold my hand, advise and be a partner to me. Spoke that to him. He couldn’t deliver. My basic non-monetary human needs unfulfilled. No man ever loved me.

During Covid, learned I chose the wrong friends. No one knew me well enough to advise me properly when I needed romantic advice, and my life started falling apart. As usual, I had to figure it out alone. Losing love and friendships, watching the world go crazy over a simple virus, I stopped caring about life. No fulfillment. No solid relationships. Didn’t receive Covid assistance, while everyone else did. Lost my Sedona condo, all my money and investments. Sold all my furniture and belongings to pay bills. Homeless, moving place-to-place, since November 2020. That’s what happens when I stop caring. Takes effort to live in this world. Living it alone for over 30 years, you get tired and run out of steam. I’m definitely out of steam.

After losing my condo November 2020, diagnosed again with Stage 2 Breast Cancer. Previous diagnosis 1992. Two months later, state of Texas released Eugene Hart from prison, the second murderer of Mark and Kara. My pleas to keep him in prison: silenced by Texas’ life sentencing rules. Texas Board of Prisons and Paroles response to my hearing: “We can’t change the rules. Two life sentences allows this man to walk free after 33 years. Sorry Robin.” Life wasn’t life.

Too many obstacles and challenges. No happiness. All I was doing: earning money to pay bills and taxes. Constant challenges and payouts with small dots of smiles. Friends thinking I was fine, when I wasn’t. Back to adapting to surface life. Just like post-murders. That’s not a real life.

This book written to complete the concentric circles of my life. In 2000, I called it Concentric Circles. Tragedy & Beyond fits better. The spiritual Beyond threads through my life journey pre- and post-murders. The Beyond is the most consistent foundation that keeps me breathing and moving on Earth. God knows me. I know Him. His Angels help me when no one else can; not even me or my soul.

Blending the elements of The Beyond with the Earth realm: the one facet of life that I still learn about. Everything else about life: I learned by 1998 at age 34. I love learning, expanding my consciousness, stretching my soul muscles. Wanted a husband, children, grandchildren, stable home. Didn’t happen.

Hope this book provides some wisdom, guidance, or entertainment for homicide survivors and society. What I learned by 1998, I want to share. It’s natural for women to share their wisdom, knowledge, stories. That’s one reason why we have children: help guide and influence them to be their best selves. This book is my contribution to help guide society toward its best self.

Thank you for reading my story. – Robin

Coming Soon To Blog:

Living From Your Soul (April 17, 2025)

Memoir Chapter Two: Special Note for Homicide Survivors (April 21, 2025)

Memoir Chapter Three: Murder Day (April 22 or 23, 2025)

Memoir Chapter Four: The Story of Us (pre-murders)

Book Appointment